and the resulting pain will be particularly strong if they have been future-paced well and have a very pleasurable vision of what they perceive the likely outcome will be if they hold onto this sense of self.
The irony of this coaching system is that it may actually cause the individual to start pursuing goals which are not really authentic, not really arising from real inspiration and desire, but are instead reactionary, rationalised or coming from a place of fear. This may result in feeling a lack of fulfilment as the client becomes locked in a cycle fed by the perception that who they are is somehow inadequate, and that there is always somewhere they need to go, someone they need to be, or something that needs to happen. To quote Sri Nisargadatta Maharaj once again:
"What you believe you need is not what you need. You need to return to the state in which I am - your natural state. Anything else you may think of is an illusion and obstacle. Believe me, you need nothing except to be what you are. You imagine you will increase your value by acquisition. It is like gold imagining that an addition of copper will improve it". (Sri Nisargadatta Maharaj)
The more I look at my experience of this form of coaching, the more I find that those goals that are pursued from a sense of 'need' are less likely to materialise no matter how much effort you put into them. In contrast, those goals that you pursue out of pure desire or inspiration, from a standpoint of complete self-approval, do tend to emerge. When there is openness and willingness, events transpire that seem to bring you closer and closer to the manifestation of these goals.
For the good of my clients, and for the identification and pursuit of authentic goals then, I find I sometimes need to break my client's perception that they need to be something different or someone else. By stripping away the attachments to their conditioned beliefs about who they think they are, we remove the fear of inadequacy. In its place, we establish instead a sense of self that is not routed in a separate individual identity, but in harmony and oneness, a sense of self that looks at another as if it were the same.
Space is then created to allow my clients to be free to flow with authentic desire rather than struggling with conditioned ego-based needs. They can then simply be 'life' in the moment, even if they have to contravene the 'shoulds' of the ego. In other words, they can stop "shoulding on themselves".
Quoting Tony Parsons, a British speaker on the subject of non-duality and author of "All there is":
"When we are babies, basically there is simply oneness, but there is no recognition of that. There is only paradise, but there is not a knowing of being in paradise. At some point, our mother says to us, 'You are Mary' or whoever; and then there is a dropping into a sense of there being someone looking at something else called a mother. That is the first moment of separation.
Fear is rooted in separation. Fear - the most powerful emotion we have - is actually instigated by the sense of separation. Separation is the root of apparent suffering and loss and longing and need". (Tony Parsons)
Many of the problems we face as a society today are a result of an attachment to our identities, whether that is on a corporate or individual level. I wonder how different the business or political world would be if, as a race, we could let go of seeing ourselves as separate, conditioned 'selves' and start to operate more as if we are one Self, with a greater detachment to outcomes?
This will only happen when we start to remember what and who we really are, and when we can let go of what we think we 'need' to be and to achieve. Quoting Tony Parsons once again:
"You are the light that allows the film to be. And if you see it all from another point of view, you begin to open up to the possibility of dropping the idea of a journey towards somewhere that you'll never get to. You'll never get there, you already are there. And so in a way the film is sacred. It's telling you that you are that!" (Tony Parsons)
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John El-Mokadem is the founder of the international coaching company Limitless Being. To sign up for his FREE newsletter and to see how transformation coaching will benefit you, go to www.limitlessbeing.com/Landing.html
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